Sexy Surprises

Posted by Haute Mess on Aug 13, 2014 under Fashion

What is the definition of sexy? I'm guessing men and women would answer this differently. Being a straight chick in San Francisco, surrounded by frustrated straight women and gay dudes (God's great gift to women), and never particularly facile at "dating", I have little straight dude game. I basically have ZERO idea what the hell these fellows are thinking about, well, anything. Except, football, they seem to like that. Oh, and there is some other "stuff" lore has it they all appreciate, but I'm in no mood to explore that in print. Oof. I decided to crawl slightly out of my, ahem, comfort zone and delve into what might fall somewhere along the sexy spectrum, from flirty to bondage. Given my often monastic and nun like habits (?!?) (the exception being cussing like a sailor), my sensibilities were occasionally tried in my hunt for all versions of hooch. No way could I even hope to crawl into the "mind" of a man, a metaphorical jungle of terrors I dare not enter. But I've seen enough Bond movies and CSI Las Vegas and Real Housewive episodes to take a shot at what the menfolk yearn for. I'm guessing low cut, tightly fitted, short skirts, major cleavage, and most importantly the bondage heels, oh and MORE cleavage. As one might image, there is a lot of black in this here post. I figured if it makes an appearance in the second circle of hell, it might work here. Just a warning however. I believe that secretly EVERY woman wants an alpha male with "throw down" potential. The fashions which lie herein might stretch your pocket book, so make sure that after you lure your bait into your den that the only feathers flying are metaphorical.

(I've added the appropriate footwear. The more "simple" the outfit, the more outrageous the shoes should be).

ROLAND MOURET

Low cut with a zipper......nuff said.

JIMMY CHOO

ALBERTA FERRETTI

Upscale allure....jazz it up with a purple feather boa (Oh Lord, the gay man in me is making an appearance).

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

In my opinion these are THE most SPECTACULAR shoes out there..........my occipital cortex covets these babies. My feet, not so much.....sigh....

ANTONIO BERARDI

GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI

Zanotti put the S in S E X Y.........if in doubt......

BALMAIN

Bondage on the Masai Mara.......get ready to g r o w l.....

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

ALTUZARRA

More casual sexy, like a nightgown Carole Lombard would have worn in the 30's. Old school glamour.

NICHOLAS KIRKWOOD

BLUMARINE

Young, funky sex appeal, a bit more "obvious"...

JIMMY CHOO

CHRISTOPHER KANE

Coy, and yet, a version of a slip.....

Sex up the slip dress with options from Louis Vuitton (in the store as we speak) OR the open toe booties from Tom Ford whose mission in life is to keep women alluring and sexy......

ERDEM

Low level bondage.

MANOLO BLAHNIK

DOLCE & GABBANA

Sexy wench. No makeup and no hooch heels necessary.

ELIE SAAB

Runway ready........by the king of elegance.

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

EMILIO PUCCI

Bondage baby.

SOPHIA WEBSTER

O O R A H as our fine men in the Marines say.

BLUMARINE

ALOTTA leather is A L W A Y S a good thing. Meow. But these pants are not near tight enough. However, a woman with curves will fill these out and look smOking hot...

GIVENCHY